Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Dreams Squashed

Today, the judge that has been hearing arguments from both the NHL and Jim Balsillie on the issue of relocating the Phoenix Coyotes to Hamilton came to a decision. And what a fucking decision it is. Neither side gets the team. So after all those months of courtroom time, deliberation, mud-slinging, high-hopes, and surely millions of dollars in legal fees spent, we come to this? Give me a fucking break.

I wanted my Hamilton Coyotes damnit.


Mats Sundin has retired. After 18 NHL seasons, the Big Swede is out of the game permanently. Thank fucking God. I say that not because I didn't like him, he was a fine player. I say that because now we don't have to hear about whether or not he wants to play for months on end, and we don't have to watch some sucker GM sign him for ten million a season, only for him to play half of it.

What really pissed me off though, was his refusal to be traded from the Maple Leafs during his last season there, knowing he wasn't going to play for them the next season anyways. A cup-bound team like Detroit surely would have loved to trade some prospects and draft pick to the Leafs. Might even have put the Leafs a year ahead of the rebuilding schedule. I guess we'll never know, but that move from Mats was a serious kick in the pants. If you ask me, that move tarnished my view of the man, and painted him as a selfish player who wanted a big fat paycheck at the end of his career.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Song to the Siren

If you've ever needed proof of John Frusciante's (Red Hot Chili Peppers) singing abilities, here it is. If you ask me he's one of the best rock singers out there.

Check out his solo albums...

Shadows Collide With People
The Empyrean
To Record Only Water for Ten Days
The Will To Death

This song is off The Empyrean.

People Watched That On TV?

Apparently during Guelphs homecoming game vs. Western this weekend our starting quarterback was recorded by a camera owned by The Score, which was broadcasting nationwide, saying "fuck Western". Now some people involved in the sport are flipping out, saying a starting quarterback shouldn't be saying such things. Give me a goddamn break. First of all, Guelph vs. Western is a pretty heated rivalry. Secondly, since when is swearing during a sports game such a horrible thing? Have you ever watched an NHL game, and paid attention to the players mouths? Sometimes if you listen closely, you can hear the on-ice microphones picking up the 'potty-mouth'. Far worse things have been said on the football field, surely. The fact that this guy got caught by an on-field microphone is just a shitty occurence. And finally, who the hell watches Canadian University football on television anyways? Now people among the sports media are saying the Guelph coaching staff should be phoning the Western coaching staff to apologize. Know what I have to say to that? Fuck Western.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Another Weekend.

Did a few things of note this weekend, mostly involving alcohol. Friday night doesn't matter, it was the usual 'share a 60 of rum three ways and go downtown' routine, which was fine. Friday afternoon though, I went to see Trailer Park Boys: Countdown to Liquor Day. I was very optimistic going into this movie. The first film these boys made was pretty awful, at least for die-hard fans. This one wasn't much different, but the trailer and premise of the whole thing made it sound like it would be great. Not the case. It just felt like a really long, bad episode. And considering this is the last we'll see of them, it was a terrible send off.

Very disappointing.

Saturday. What an interesting evening it was. The previous afternoon, I had spoken to this thirty year old woman who came by, asking if her and her five girlfriends could come to my house, bring beers, and get shit-faced with us. After mulling this almost surreal situation in my head and calculating whether or not this could be some horrible trick, I said sure. These ladies had lived in my house ten years prior, and since it was homecoming they wanted to do something nostalgic. Before they arrived, I had spent most of my morning sitting on my porch sipping rum and cokes, yelling obscenities at passing Western students. I was pretty surprised no violence erupted, because I was not discrete about it. The women arrived, and we all had quite a good time. They brought us a case of beer, danced, chatted, and basically confirmed how funny this whole thing was for us, as our libidos surely were going insane, having a handful of wasted good-looking older women around. They eventually left. That night after a house party, I ended up at this place in Guelph called the 'Guggenheim' which is a small underground art gallery. They happen to serve liquor and allow indoor smoking. Fuck yeah. There were also zombies dancing around. That's right.

And now on this Sunday evening, I will soon be bending over and accepting that I've procrastinated for a whole week, and will be receiving the pounding in the form of a 'thematic article review'. Whatever the hell that is.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Kill The Messenger

I saw Chris Rock's DVD Kill the Messenger the other night. Didn't stop laughing throughout the whole thing. Might have had something to do with what I was inhaling at the time, but man oh man that guy had me in stitches.

Sorry about the stupid HBO sponsored clips that don't show the swears...go find this DVD on a torrent and stick it to 'em.

Failure and Discovery

It looks like my boy Balsillie is loosening his grip on the terms surrounding his bid to purchase the Phoenix Coyotes and move them to the Hammer. He says he'll allow the Coyotes to play their last season in Phoenix this year. Bravo Jim. I mean, I want him to get this thing, but even I am thinking he's being slightly unreasonable. Moving a team less than a month away from the start of the regular season? Into a building that isn't ready for an NHL team? The scheduling issues alone are not worth the immediate move. So good on his part.

To go along with this topic, Gretzky resigned as head coach in Phoenix. The Great One had finally abandoned a sinking ship. I guess he doesn't want to be involved in all this schoolyard antics going on in Phoenix right now. I wonder how his wife feels about that, seeing as he was being paid eight million fucking dollars to coach a losing team every year. I didn't know you could essentially fail at your job year in year out, and still get paid handsomely.

That's the failure part of this post. Now onto the discovery. Are you ready?

They found fucking water on the moon.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Been a While

Holy shit its been a while since I've written something on here...bound to happen when the wireless card inside your laptop doesn't work, so you're forced to go out and buy a fucking 70$ USB receiver. Brutal. At least it works.

I'm sorry to have kept all my rabid fans dying for updates. All two of you. I will also apologize to any one who doesn't enjoy hockey. NHL Pre-season has started, and with the regular season coming up, there is going to be a shit-load more hockey talk on here. Too bad.

But for now I will talk about duct tape. That's right, duct tape. That little roll of grey sticky stuff that us Canadians hold so dearly to our hearts. Red Green swore by it. Well let me tell you, its a bunch of bullshit. All my fucking posters have fallen down within a week of putting them up, and sticky tack doesn't work either. Double sided tape ruins the posters. What in the hell do I use for Christs sake?

Speaking of Christ, some Witnesses came by my house the other day. It was during the height of my recent bout with the sickness, so when they opened their pamphlet to the page depicting horrible flames with the phrase, "will you burn in hell?" written across it, the only suitable and physically capable response I had was a groan and a slammed door.

I hope this rant will suffice until I can think of something moderately interesting to write about.

Just quickly though: Phil Kessel won't be playing until mid-November, because he will be recovering from surgery? What the hell is up with that Burkie?

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

More 9/12 Insanity

See those photos I posted a couple of days ago, under 'Smart People'? Those photos stemmed from a rally that was organized and promoted by our favorite, Glenn Beck. The rally occurred on September 12th, a day after the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. Choosing that date clearly meant to be some kind of sadistic play on people's emotions. The rally attracted people to capitol hill in Washington, with the purpose of voicing their opinions and disatisfaction with the Obama administration. They're protesting healthcare, the economic stimulus package, socialism, communism, nazism...wait, what?

Well just by listening to the first raving lunatic, its clear that the majority of the people in this crowd are so far off their rockers, that its nearly impossible to take any of them seriously. Just listen to what some of them are saying when they're asked why they are there...

Why are you here?

"To prevent our country from turning into a third world nation"
"To stand up for God and our nation, and preserve the nation and our land"
"I'm out here for...the tax!"

Go to 1:44 in the video, what a fucking moron. Doesn't even know why she's there, or what she is arguing for.

These baseless arguments, and incredibly uninformed people are a complete riot to watch. What's even more entertaining is looking at some of the signs they're carrying. I mean, "Bury Obamacare with Kennedy"!? People in this video calling Obama a Muslim, Commie, a Nazi, a Socialist...oh wait, they think Socialism and Communism are the same thing.

So let me get this straight: Obama is a Communist, Socialist, and a Nazi? That's funny, because I'm pretty sure the Nazis wanted to destroy and Communists, and Communists thought Socialists were liberal pussies. Interesting. Not only that, but confusing Socialism with Communism is pure stupidity. Here in Canada we have social elements. Like socialized health care. I didn't know all our Prime Ministers were Communist Nazis. I guess I didn't get the memo.

I could literally go on all day about how insane this all is, but I don't think you want to continue reading my ranting and raving.

3:50 to about 6:15 in the video features some of the more insane individuals.

Have a nice day.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Patrick Swayze died last night, ending his battle with pancreatic cancer. He starred in several very successful films, probably his most well-known roles coming in 1987 with Dirty Dancing, and in 1990 with Ghost. You know the one, with the scene where him and Demi Moore get their freak on, clay-making style.

Me though, I'll remember him for his lesser-known roles. Watching Swayze rob banks and surf while battling Keannu Reeves in 1991's Point Break is much more entertaining than any amount of clay sex could ever be.

Dead Presidents robbing banks and surfing. Need I say more?

Here's the synopsis for the 1984 commie-fighting classic, Red Dawn.

'Red Dawn' envisions a mid-1980's America under siege from invading Russian and Cuban armies. Told at a boiling point of nuclear deterrence between the world's super powers, the threat focuses on a group of high school students who take refuge in the Rockies. First coping with survival and eventually fighting back guerrilla style, the students take the war to the invading armies in the hope that they can help turn the tide. As winter progresses; however, the group is worn down, physically, emotionally and mentally by war's attrition. As only a few remain, they must decide how to reach America's safe zones and see if tomorrow will bring another Red Dawn.'

If after reading that you don't want to see it, I don't want to be your friend.

If you were alive and in middle-school in the past ten years, chances are you read The Outsiders. This movie had fucking everyone in it. Matt Dillon, Rob Lowe, Emilio, Tom Cruise, Diane Lane, the list goes on. Swayze played the wise older brother and leader of the gang, who also wore tight shirts similar to the ones sported in Dirty Dancing. (yes, I have seen Dirty Dancing).

Go check these ones out if you haven't already, and remember a great actor.

Saturday, September 12, 2009


Big things have been going on in the NHL the past couple of days. First off, this saga between Jim Balsillie and the NHL that has been dragging on for the better part of the summer might actually be coming to a head. They've been fighting it out in court the past couple of days, arguing whether or not Balsillie will be allowed to buy the Phoenix Coyotes, then move them to Hamilton. The Judge has heard their bids (they're doing an auction) and will apparently now deliberate for what will no doubt be several days. I've already mentioned it here before, but Hamilton getting a team would be absolutely fucking amazing.

Heatley finally got his wish and was traded from the Ottawa Senators, going to San Jose for Jonathan Cheechoo, Milan Michalek and a second round pick. Good thing too, its always fun to watch the Senators get screwed over. Unless Cheechoo actually starts playing well again, which is quite unlikely. As for San Jose, I don't think a self-centered forward is the best thing for that team. They seem to choke in the playoffs every year despite always kicking ass in the regular season, while also having one of the best teams on paper. They don't even have a captain at the moment for christs sake.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Pauly Shore Should Be Dead

It was the first day of classes today, so the night before I decided to stay in and try to start off the year not hung over.

Watched 'Pauly Shore is Dead'. All the bong hits in the world couldn't have rescued this film from being turned off an hour into it. Basically, Pauly 'The Weasel' Shore fakes his own death in an effort to see reactions from around Hollywood, and prove that once you're dead, you're a legend, regardless of how humiliating your career was. As a child, I loved Pauly Shore. 'Bio-Dome', 'Son-in-Law', and 'In the Army Now' were old time favorites. I used to think the man was hilarious. Clearly when I was younger there was something wrong with my brain, because after watching this latest film its made me wish that Mr. Shore truly was dead.

So out with that one, and in with another movie; 'Mr. Brooks'. The one with Kevin Costner as this murdering lunatic who has a split personality, portrayed by William Hurt. Oh, Demi Moore is in it playing the cop hot on his tail, along with Dane Cook playing some dude who wants to go murder people with Costner (one of the films weakest points). Although it was mildly entertaining, the acting was horrendous, and its impossible to take Costner seriously as a creepy murderer. I mean, I was half expecting him to go play baseball with his dead father at any second. However, we do get to see someone get totally fucking rocked by a shovel to the neck. Redeeming factor for sure. All in all, I wouldn't recommend either of these movies.

Anyways sorry I haven't been posting that often at all, internet access has been scarce since arriving in Guelph. Might have something to do with the fact that I left my power cord in Hamilton. Fantastic.

Monday, September 7, 2009


Had a pretty damn good weekend, although we could just call it a week, considering I had been drinking steadily since Wednsday.

Got up to Guelph on Thursday afternoon, and without too much time passing Toby and I already had some beers going, without doing much actual moving in. Albion was its usual messy self, filled with sweaty dancers being driven by some grungy electro and sweet disco-jams.

Friday I was quite hung over, decided to walk down to EB Games since finding an old trade-in card with forty bucks on it. Used it to buy Fight Night Round 4. Played for several hours, almost broke a few things after frustrating bouts. Have to be careful with that game. Went to Van Gogh's in the evening, as the line-up for Vinyl was around the corner. Nuts to that.

Saturday was much of the same, with a hair cut changing things up. This time Toby and I shared a forty-ounce bottle of rum, making a healthy drive to finish over half of it before the bar. Went to Albion for some funk. We met some new friends, and decided to hit Jimmy Jazz for some local live tunes. Turned into a very late night, involving little sleep. Biggest hang over of the five day bender, without question.

Sunday, the day of rest. Spent most of it lying on the couch, attempting to piece together a coherent thought. Kevin moved into the house, so we had a very serious BBQ that involved steaks, salmon, and some kick-ass greek salad. That evening, drinking continued as usual, with a trip back downtown to Vinyl. Very wobbly evening. I'm sure it was a sight to be had, with the three of us stumbling into each other the whole way home.

And today, I'm going to watch the Tiger Cats beat some pansy-Argo ass.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Moving Day

Its super fun after getting home at 6am the night before.

Fuck you Rokbar.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

French Connection

Serge Gainsbourg - Histoire de Melody Nelson (1971)

I've listened to this album I don't know how many times lately...and this is easily my favorite song off the album.

Basically Gainsbourg was one of France's biggest artists in the 1970s, and according to Wikipedia, one of the most influential musicians of all time. If you've ever listened to anything by Beck its easy to see the connection, especially in this song, Melody.

Get Ready For Rush Hour

In my boredom last night, I turned on the tube and to my delight, the old early 90's classic Speed was just starting up. This was back when Keannu Reeves wasn't just some soft-spoken pansy wearing a black gown. He didn't know fucking kung-fu either.

What a candy-ass.

No, no, there are no "agents" in this flick, no "architect". Just some deranged ex-cop with a mangled hand who gets a hard on for blowing shit up in very creative ways. And on top of it, he's played by the bad ass Dennis Hopper. He played Koopa in the live action Mario Brothers! Let's try and forget that one...

...But we're not talking about cheesy video game adaptations, no, we're talking about a classic here. This movie has everything. A hot Sandra Bullock, Keannu Reeves not playing some cyber-hero, lots of explosions, a bus that can't go under 50, Jeff Daniels getting shot, then blown the fuck up, and lots of kick ass one-liners that those beloved 90s action movies were known for. Not to mention one of the most memorable decapitations in film.

Go rent that shit on VHS.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Cargo Cult

So I was searching for the Serge Gainsbourg song 'Cargo Culte' on youtube, and this is what I came across:

What in the fuck?

New Picture

In honor of the new photo at the top of this page, I figured I should show some videos that showcase Gary Busey's brilliance in cinema, and real life.

The last video is absolutely amazing. Directing your own interview, now that's genius.